What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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