my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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