Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
