I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
