the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
