At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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