You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize