Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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