Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
