Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
