I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
