just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
