So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize