he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
