Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
