I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
