He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
whose parrot is this?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
