is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
