we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
