Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
