so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize