Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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