what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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