at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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