is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
