Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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