she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
