Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
