I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
