I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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