I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
