I can tuck mytits in my pants
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
