Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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