I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
