yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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