So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
