My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize