just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
