i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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