GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize