To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize