If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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