Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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