Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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