Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
