Tell her she can't have a vagina
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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