I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My life is pants optional.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
