just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
