Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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