my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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