Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
