and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
