I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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