If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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