Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
did i just pee glitter
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
