dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
