You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
