so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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