My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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