so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
