Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
