Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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