you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
