I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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