i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
