I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
