your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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