I wish I could teleport
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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