I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
