FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
