My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
