dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
