it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize