What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
