Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
