So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
