Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
